Troll 2

Colossal piece of trash directed by Claudio Fragasso, “Troll 2” lands squarely in the dustbin of cinematic monstrosities thanks to a deadly mix of amateurism and absurdity – a non-stop frenzy of indescribably asinine situations featuring a bizarre family up against a gang of dazed runts – whether they’re trolls, goblins, elves, or leprechauns hardly matters, given that the screenplay makes a royal mess of Nordic mythology.

Irrationality reigns supreme, from an awkward script filled with inane lines (masturbation leads to homosexuality, or tightening your belt eases hunger pangs, for example), to behavior so illogical that it defies explanation, all brought to the screen by an inept cast delivering some cringeworthy “performances”.

Among the various characters, all certifiably insane, a few jump to the forefront: the disturbing drugstore owner/milk pusher (whose serial-rapist face pretty much says it all) and the legendary grandpa Seth, a ghost with problems getting his bearings (“I still have to learn the layout of this house“) and the power to stop time — but only for five minutes. He also gives memorable advice knowing that if it’s followed, “something” is bound to happen.

As far as message goes, the initial critique of an unethical diet (“Hamburgers, steaks, the steak sausages, and hotdogs sold by the side of the road“) short-circuits, eventually reaching the paradoxical conclusion that the monsters can be defeated solely by eating a “double-decker bologna sandwich“.