Creepozoids

Dreadful nonsense directed by David DeCoteau, who clumsily clings to the tritest of post-apocalyptic sci-fi clichés, unfortunately without managing to infuse a single ounce of credibility into the story. Catatonic pacing, preposterous dialogue, embarrassing special effects. The cast, following the characters’ lead (a bunch of lazy deserters), ends up deserting any attempt at acting – Linnea Quigley, however, dutifully punches her timecard, getting undressed as per contract. An abacus wouldn’t suffice to keep track of all the illogical and derivative scenes packed into this godawful movie.

One scene stands out: after being attacked by the monster (sort of a cross between the mutant in “Forbidden World” and the arthropods from “Them!“), computer nerd Jesse calmly goes to sleep without telling anyone a thing. The next morning, he gets up and starts to have breakfast. Only then does he come down with troubling symptoms culminating with him spitting up tarry effluent and croaking in a sort of low-rent version of Ridley Scott’s famous scene from “Alien”.

Fortunately, every now and then unintentional humor provides us some relief: the “cave” under the computer workstation, the unwarranted kick to the cut-off head, the appearance of a killer baby who looks like he escaped from a Larry Cohen set…

Produced by Charles Band’s Empire Pictures.